The Darkest Evil

I hate country music and I have since I was very little. I was born in California and I was uprooted from California and forced to move to Texas, so I had to put up with Country music when travelling around. Unfortunately, my sister was afflicted by this and she now refers to herself as a Texan. I feel so sorry for her, because she was born in California, just like me. She let Texas and all of it’s terrible factions and evils, such as country music, afflict her. And she is not a free thinker, unfortunately. In fact, because of Texas, country music and everything in southern US culture, she is strongly thinking about going into the United States Armed Forces.

Lyrics to a Toby Keith song “If I Was Jesus, I’d have some real long hair, A robe and some sandals, is exactly what I’d wear, I’d be the guy at the party, turnin’ water to wine, Yeah me and my disciples, we’d have a real good time. Ooh and I’d lay my life down for you (woooooh) And I show you who’s the boss (woooooh)I’d forgive you and adore you, While I was hangin’ on your cross, If I Was Jesus.” Didn’t this dimwit already write a song about how America kicks ass, and we will be kicking osama’s ass, or whipping it out in public or something?

For the uninitiated, country music is a toxic form of music that blasts constantly throughout the airwaves of the rural United States. I hate it when I have to travel anywhere out of the limits of a big city. This is because I know for a fact that lurking midair over the crests of hills and open two lane highways are radio waves unfit for the human ears - country music radio stations. Yes, whether the rhinestone cowboy music singer is singing about his truck, his dog, drinkin’ moonshine, or about his woman (or lack of - I wonder why), it pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe, with it’s twangs, fiddles and whiney southern accent. It is a known fact that the elevator to hell plays country music. So, I fear the distance between cities and it just makes flying that much more attractive. In fact, I’ve accumulated a lot of Aeroplan and Amtrak Guest Rewards to try to avoid driving around the US and Canada. I am afraid of turning Texan like my little sister, Wendy.

So why am I bringing this up? Well, it just so happens that the love of my life is a big fan of Country music. Yeah, that’s a terrible bit of news to swallow, but I am willing to do anything for her. This means that I am probably going to have to go with her to country music concerts and listen to the odd country music song in a combined library. But I am willing to do that because I love my Natalie so much. Hell, I’m already going to a church of lies and deceit to convince her family that I’m a Christian. So, I’d do anything for this girl.