The Darkest Evil

Okay, so I got burned by another girl. Yeah, this was NOT cool. But the cool thing was that she was a little less rotten than other girls that I have talked to online. I am just so tired of this and I would just like to find someone that I can hold and embrace. Someone that I can walk life’s path with. Someone that will accept and appreciate me for everything that I am. Someone that will love me with an agape love that I will love them with. You see, I have never been loved by another human being. Not my family, no girlfriends and no reliable friends in this world. I am not very popular because I refuse to conform to other people’s standards.

I am not in the mood to talk to many people. And if you do wish to talk to me, you had better be able to withstand many minutes, if not hours, of ranting about how hard it is to find someone of the opposite sex that will love you. About how everyone with a loving family or close, reliable friends is blessed. I am not in a mood to pretend to be happy. Forgive me if I refuse to respond to your private messages or what not, I would not be in a good mood anyways. I am also writing a whole number of posts for four days (8 posts) so I don’t have to respond to comments. It’s evil, I know, but I am not in the mood to play comment police.

To my faithful clients: You will receive everything you ordered. Plus, I will remember this when you want another project so you will very likely save money on your next project. However, when life continuously shits on you, it does not allow you to focus on your work. It’s only two days more in many cases and I apologise for the additional time required. I just need time to centre myself.

Okay, so a couple of days ago, a guy from Telus came by to hook up my telephone once again. Finally! Anyways, I tell him to watch where he steps and guess what? I stepped on a power adaptor and cut my foot open. It hurt like a mother fucker and it still hurts to walk. Therefore, I spend my time sitting around here with a band-aid on it and some Neosporin. It is as boring as hell and I have very little to do other than design Blackthorne (update on it tomorrow) and write in my blog. Plus, not only that but foolishly confide in girls I meet on online dating websites. Yeah, I know. Really sad.

I am going to write a few more posts because I have so much more to say on numerous topics and I will space them out through the next few days. Bwahaha!

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I often wonder to myself why I seem to attract the dregs of humanity in every aspect of my life, be it selecting a college to go to, trying to find a relationship or something along those lines. I am getting tired of it. Why can’t I just find someone that accepts me for everything that I am? I feel like I am perishing considering there is nothing stable in my life nor anyone stable in my life. I’ve only held contract level web design jobs and I’ve never really had a relationship, nor friends that stay friends for long. I never had a stable home nor anything in my life that I could cling on to.

I just want to find someone that will love me, accept me for everything that I am and allow me to be me. Why is that so hard? Why is finding someone so fucking hard? I want to know!

I hate the idea that people make resolutions that they have no intention of keeping only when the earth’s odometre rolls over. It seems that it is enough to make people believe that they have a new lease on life. Personally, I believe the route of change should happen throughout the new year, especially when one realizes it is needed the most. However, I have reviewed what I want out of life and this is what I have come up with:

1. Gain a bit more notoriety on the web/in my new home - I would like to be as big as Bryan Veloso, Mr. Fab or Shaun Inman. My weblog has been getting a bit more activity since I have been writing more often and using traffic services like BlogMad, but that is not enough. I need to do more to get my name out there. I would also like to be recognized in Calgary for my blog so I am also going to write replying to more local news.
2. Finish up Blackthorne - Blackthorne (for the uninitiated) is a themeset that I have been working on for the past month. I am confident that I can get it done and coded before February 14th, especially since I cannot afford the bus pass for this month so my mobility is going to be dramatically hindered. Doesn’t mean that I can’t go to crowfoot and cash in my bottles to buy bus fare to get to the college to return some books. I should probably do that on Wednesday though, it will save time and money in the long run.
3. Get into a serious relationship - I would like to get into a serious relationship. Need I say more?
4. Fully convert to Buddhism - I would like to convert to Buddhism and seek a path of reason and truth. Right now, I could still be considered a Christian that just doesn’t go to church. I would like to be so much more than that and I would love to convert to Buddhism so I can clean my mind of my past practises and strive toward a brighter future.
5. Get my work permit - Nicholi, if you are reading this, please submit your company to Alberta Registries. Now.

Those are my five new years resolutions. This is what is truly important to me right now and I would personally like to thank you for reading through my sappy drivel but hey, it was enough to spice up my life.

Okay, so I decided against my better judgement to give myself a haircut with my electric shaver. That did NOT go well. After about a hour and a half, I gave up and left the task for later. My hair was short enough so who would give a shit? I went to the closet, got the broom and worked on sweeping up the remaining hair that had fallen on the floor. I was DONE until I could get a pair of scissors. If I could have gotten scissors, I would have been able to do a much better job. Here is a picture of me from today with my new ‘do.

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Okay, today I read this interesting post on iPods in vending machines and thought to myself, would I really want to buy an iPod FROM A VENDING MACHINE?!? The answer is absolutely not. First off, what colour would I get? It would really suck if I got pink for myself. The reason being is that DRM would very likely make it so there is no music on the iPod from the very start and of course, I have two options from this point.

The first option would be to hook it up to my MacBook Pro and sync it with iTunes and download the latest iPod software (assuming I can even get an Internet connection). The benefit from this is that all my music would already be on the iPod and I can play it when I get on the plane. The problem is that I will be draining my MacBook’s battery life and I kinda like to work while I am on a flight. Normally, with flights across Canada, this wouldn’t be a serious issue, but if my flight has to connect somewhere (it’s inevitable), I am probably going to need a bigger battery - especially while waiting in airports where most of the people in departures speak French and only French (like Montreal). (more…)

If you read my post yesterday, you would know that I had a copy of Windows to return to London Drugs today. Well, guess what? They would not allow me to return it. Fuckers. It appears as if I have to beg Nicholi for a small pay advance (actually it would be a loan, seeing as I am getting the money soon, just not before it’s due) on my rent while I scramble to collect the rest of it. However, I know one thing is for certain, London Drugs has lost my business indefinitely.

I like to online shop. That’s because I hate waiting forever for a bus to come and take me to the LRT station so I can head on down to Chinook to purchase a DVD. I would much rather purchase one online but there is one factor that prohibits that. When I want something, I usually want it now and not in a few days. This is unfortunate because I am certain that Amazon.ca has a bit more credibility than London Drugs. And it is unfortunate that they have decided to violate their own guarantee, the guarantee on the packaging AND federal law.

However, I take solace in the fact that not all business are as bad with customer service as London Drugs or Subway are. MediaTemple, my current web host, gave me $40 in credits to my account for the outages in November. I am happy that at least THEY know how to act honourably.

I have to find a way to make $450 quickly so I can afford the rent this month. It is getting to be so costly. In fact, I am kind of afraid to ask Shush for a small extension on my rent so I can make the date. I am so tired of this shit. I guess the only way I am going to catch up is by becoming an agent for something like the Sunflower Network. Also, Nicholi is still having trouble registering the non-profit with registries so I can’t apply for my work permit yet. Plus, I don’t have the $150 fee for the work permit. I mean, I don’t see why people wouldn’t want to loan me the money for that. As soon as I get it and Nicholi gets the non-profit registered, I will be able to pay back the loan. After all, I would have a job. I need to get $75 together also to renew my bus pass for next month. Otherwise, I will probably be stuck in this house. Plus, I need the money for the pass before the 10th of next month.

I have this copy of Microsoft Windows that I have not installed on my computer but is opened. Tomorrow, I am going to try to return it at London Drugs tomorrow. I am tired of just skating by each month and plus, I have very little money to eat on so I am screwed on that end. What a shame too, considering I have been craving Taco Bell for the longest time. Plus, I want to get some of those Moo.com cards and I would like to get my phone line moved over here. I am also having my copy of Poser 7 returned so I can have $250 USD transferred into Canada. Plus, I am begging the owner of the Sunflower Network to allow me to work on that project as soon as possible. I will probably offer to redesign their website for them for free.

*sigh* I can’t keep my PO box anymore so if some weird asshole wants my address, I am going to have to give him my home address if he owes me money. What can I do though, I need to get $450 together soon or I am going to be late on my rent. Fuck! Why do these things always happen to me?

Oh well, I guess I will get the money somehow.

Okay, what the hell is the purpose of Boxing Day now? I just don’t get why we need to extend the holidays well past Christmas. Christmas is already hell because I either have to spend time with family or have to spend it with no one at all. I would like to have a girlfriend or a fiancée during the holidays or someone that just gives a damn. I know that the Boxing Day is comparable to Black Friday in the United States.

I’ve never liked the holidays. Christmas is where you receive gifts that give you some kind of indication what your family members and friends think and feel about you. Like, the time that I got a basketball for Christmas from my Aunt Heather and Uncle Johnny. What the fuck? A basketball?!? I am hardly the person that should receive something like that. Also my mother gave me a paintball gun last Christmas just because I used to go paintballing with friends from church. I know that I could not import a paintball gun at the time I entered Calgary and the CO2 tank into Canada. I entered when they had that ban against cremes, foams, fluids, aerosols and other gels. I know I would have to end up purchasing another one, once I land in this country. And possibly, I would probably have to get a rifle licence from the Canada Firearms Centre.

I hate the fact that stores close early on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I wanted to get a sandwich from Safeway and I would love to get one because I am so hungry. I don’t have the ability to get some food in this damn city. Even Co-op is closed!