I am working on tracing my Polish roots but this has led me to express a lot of interest in my roots. Therefore, I have decided to start rebuilding my family tree with a programme called MacFamilyTree. So - if you have any beef with me for writing an extra post today - don’t complain - there will be a longer post tomorrow. Until then, enjoy a little Waka Laka, m’kay?
Looking back at 2006, here are my biggest successes and failures. No matter whether they are successes or failures, I have learned immensely from them and I am grateful for the wisdom that I was granted from these experiences.
Okay, what the hell is the purpose of Boxing Day now? I just don’t get why we need to extend the holidays well past Christmas. Christmas is already hell because I either have to spend time with family or have to spend it with no one at all. I would like to have a girlfriend or a fiancée during the holidays or someone that just gives a damn. I know that the Boxing Day is comparable to Black Friday in the United States.
I’ve never liked the holidays. Christmas is where you receive gifts that give you some kind of indication what your family members and friends think and feel about you. Like, the time that I got a basketball for Christmas from my Aunt Heather and Uncle Johnny. What the fuck? A basketball?!? I am hardly the person that should receive something like that. Also my mother gave me a paintball gun last Christmas just because I used to go paintballing with friends from church. I know that I could not import a paintball gun at the time I entered Calgary and the CO2 tank into Canada. I entered when they had that ban against cremes, foams, fluids, aerosols and other gels. I know I would have to end up purchasing another one, once I land in this country. And possibly, I would probably have to get a rifle licence from the Canada Firearms Centre.
I hate the fact that stores close early on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I wanted to get a sandwich from Safeway and I would love to get one because I am so hungry. I don’t have the ability to get some food in this damn city. Even Co-op is closed!
Often I wonder what the purpose of my own blog is. I rant all the time and on numerous and sometimes, unrelated subjects. I get all mushy about someone and rant about them the next day. I basically share my feelings in a disorganized and incomprehensible manner. Basically, I believe that my blog has three equally important purposes.
The first purpose to my blog is to share my own thoughts, fears, loves, hates and experiences with the world. I have some acquaintances back in the states and I am certain that they probably want to know how I am doing and what not. This blog allows them the opportunity to read up on me and check up on my current state of being. Plus, it also allows other people that are going through what I am going/have gone through to know that they aren’t alone in their fight and struggle. They should know this and they should feel like someone has been where they are now.
The second purpose is to expose the flaws of this world in hopes of changing it for the better. Usually, when people are confronted with their own wrongdoings, they usually have the choice of fight or flight. Ron Frasier and Duncan Pringle have the reaction of flight when confronted with their actions. Instead of owning up to their misdeeds, they decide to remove me in hopes of hiding the problem once again. However, their idea will fail as I have decided to expose their actions numerous times on my blog. Eventually, when prospective employers or students google their names, they will hopefully find my blog and be reconfronted with their problems. They can either own up to their actions and take the road of recovery (a.k.a. the fight option) or they can keep running from the truth in hopes that they will never be confronted and seen for what they truly are (a.k.a. the flight option).
The situation at Alberta Bible College started when I decided to try to be friends (and possibly more than friends) with a girl named Miranda Littel. She was everything to me and I felt invincible when I was around her. I felt that she was the right one for me. Then, when I least expected it, the roof caved in and I found out her true nature. I found that she was an emotional mercenary. She only wanted to be around me to harm me and break me. So, I decided to write about it in my blog to expose her and hopefully have her confront her own problem as she read it. However, the administrators of the school decided to ask me to remove her name from my blog. I would not give in because I will not be cowled into forsaking my beliefs. Then, they wanted to label me as nuts and send me to a psychiatrist. WTF?
Eventually, they decided that my compliance was not helping their case to try to appear to justly remove me from ABC. They decided only a few days ago to disable my ability to renew for next semester. So, instead of being unable to face their problem and allow me to continue enjoying my right to Freedom of Speech, as it is defined as “freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication” in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, they wanted to ignore their problem and remove me from the college.
The third purpose is to give people a view into my life at the core. Basically, I am very emotional, confused and angry/sad at this point. I have no family that loves me and I am facing failure straight in the eyes. However, I know I must not run, because where would I run to? I have no real home. Home constitutes people to come home to. Home constitutes a mixture of good and bad feelings and experiences. What I left behind in the states wasn’t a home but rather a stop in my mission to find my home. I know I must continue to go forth and find my home, hope and family. And the only way I can find the third is via marriage. Maybe that’s why I am a little girl-crazy at this point. But I have my morals and ethics when dating and I know that I can’t marry someone just for my immigration or status in this country.
I have been wondering how to coerce someone who states they want to “only be friends” into becoming much more. Is this possible? How much time would it take? Or is it just wiser to find someone less willing to stab you through the heart? Is it really that hard to find a good, credible partner?!
I am actually a pretty caring person and the reason I would even suggest such a thing is due to the fact that the normal way to ask people out isn’t working out. Can anyone provide any suggestions? Ideas? Insight? I would just like someone to care for that cares for me in return. Is that too much to ask and expect of the universe? I mean, look at how my family turned out… I already know how much esteem the Universe has for me. I was not born in Canada - so I have to take the hard way in and there is so much wrong with my life. I know how much esteem the universe has for me. Zero.
I am so tired of asking girls out and getting either “no” or “let’s just be friends”. WHY THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?! I can’t believe how insensitive these people are. Don’t they know or care that they are hurting someone’s feelings? Would they really rather go with the “pretty boys” that would lie to them, cheat on them and leave them to pain and humiliation? These boys have no respect for the girls they go out with? How can they really be expected to? With their looks at the time being, girls are a dime a dozen. However, looks fade.
Okay, so today, after getting back from my job interview with Nicholi and Jacob (I hope that’s what his name is…) and waiting on the Citadel bus to get back to Brentwood, I logged into MySpace since Adium is being a bitch. And what do you know, my grandmother has a myspace. O.O Okay, so how large IS the scope of this programme? Well, I kinda got dragged into it because I want to keep in touch with a few people - but there are a LOT of drama queens on places like MySpace and people that add everyone and anyone (affectionately referred to as “MySpace whores”). And what about MySpace makes it so attractive? I mean, it is usually under maintenance, has a couple of bugs, is full of ads and on top of it all, it is run by the uber-evil News Corporation (the same company that owns Fox and IGN and it is run by Rupert Murdoch, the Republican Party of the US and, of course, Satan.)
Do you know what I think of myspace? Fuck it. Facebook is a lot better.
Last night, my sister contacted me and told me that Trevor, a cousin of ours hasn’t contacted her. He’s been on MySpace and all that but he hasn’t contacted her. WTF? If you piss off my sister, she contacts me complaining about it and that pisses me off. And when I am pissed off… things happen. So Trevor, if you are reading this, I’d recommend that you contact my sister ASAP.
To everyone else, have a great morning and may the Lord bless your days!
My little sister’s friend is coming from the United Kingdom soon (dunno the exact details) but I want to say that my sister was so depressed when she left and I am glad that Jami can be back in my sister’s life to make her feel better again. I know I teased her about Jami leaving and all that but in retrospect, I feel bad about it all. (more…)
I am certainly not living right…
My life is weird, and will stay weird until the day I die–and I’m willing to bet that there’ll be some strange circumstances around my death, too. I don’t know, maybe it’ll be linked to organized crime, or people will never find my body, starting rumors that I’m secretly buried under third base at Pac Bell SBC AT&T Pac Bell Park, or in the foundation of some new UC Berkeley facility. Maybe I’ll die under the massive pile of anime crap I’ve been accumulating since I was fourteen.
But anyway, it won’t come close to the surreality of my family relations these days.
See, my family has always known me as the loud, nerdy one in the family. Their recent discovery of the side of me known as “Kyle of Alberta” is a shock to them. In a recent trip to Texas, I overheard a conversation where they discussed stories they’d heard about me outside of the family circle, like how my cousin said that when I was at my job interview, I was a completely different person than she was used to.
Or, to put it in another cousin’s words, “There’s the Kyle we know, and then there’s Kyle of Alberta who signs tits.”
Now, before I go any further, I’d like to clarify one thing. I don’t sign tits. I signed one, ever, and it ain’t happenin’ again. So that statement really should be “and then there’s Kyle of Alberta, who signed a tit once and found the experience rather distasteful.”
But anyway, the point remains–I’ve kept the Canadian side of my life and the family side of my life almost entirely separate (largely due to the fact that one of the majour reasons is they won’t find me here), with the biggest anomaly being one dark, dark incident at Anime Expo which involved a cousin, his friend’s copy of “Strengthening Today, Securing Tommorrow” (The Coldwood’s financial plans - announcing the creation of TheAnime.Net), and a complete lack of eye contact.
Now they know, and not only do they know, my cousin’s wedding on Saturday (note that I’ve referenced four entirely different cousins in this rant–I have 5 that I know of, so if there is any cousin overlap, I’ll tell you) was marked with a conversation with a fifth cousin about the recent eBay auctions, in which Trey’s new appliance went for a sizable amount. That produced the following conversation:
“Dude, sell out. *pause, grab an in-law* Hey, Burns, tell Kyle what to do. If people are willing to spend that much money on computer boxes, how about you give them an original? It’s not ripping them off if they’re willing to pay that much for it!”
“My advice to you is: sell out. Trust me, work doesn’t get any more fun as you get older.”
There was a lot of swearing in that conversation that I’ve omitted, but there was a lot of alcohol involved that I’ve omitted too, so I guess it’s fairly even.
Today was a pretty awful day. I still don’t have my Canadian work permit/pr card -_-;;, I had to talk with my horrible family and recently, my site has been giving me no end of trouble.
Okay, not really much to post but at least it was something.