The Darkest Evil

I am about to go out on my first date and I am excited, nervous, anxious, happy, paranoid and a lot of other emotions that are just indescribable. But I am worried about a few things (obviously). Maybe it’s just paranoia but I really need to keep my fears in check and cool it. (more…)

This Thursday’s Fuck off and Die Thursday is about those women that abuse the online dating system and basically lure men into contacting them only to fool them. I usually refer to this type of woman here as an Emotional Mercenary or simply as a Mercenary but when they abuse an online dating system, I refer to them as Online Dating Whores. These women are a consummate evil to the Internet, providing false hope to the desperate. I just recently got targeted by one (as you can read by my previous posts) and I have been targeted by several throughout the course of my stay here in Calgary.

I refuse to believe that all women are like this and I truly believe that there is someone out there for me and when I find her, she will treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve as a human being. I am just starting to believe more and more that I am NOT going to be able to find her in this city/province. Why can’t I just fund a woman that is looking for a mutually loving and respectful agape relationship? I am not interested in a solely Eros relationship and while a philia relationship is nice, I don’t want that at this time of my life.

Okay, so I got burned by another girl. Yeah, this was NOT cool. But the cool thing was that she was a little less rotten than other girls that I have talked to online. I am just so tired of this and I would just like to find someone that I can hold and embrace. Someone that I can walk life’s path with. Someone that will accept and appreciate me for everything that I am. Someone that will love me with an agape love that I will love them with. You see, I have never been loved by another human being. Not my family, no girlfriends and no reliable friends in this world. I am not very popular because I refuse to conform to other people’s standards.

I am not in the mood to talk to many people. And if you do wish to talk to me, you had better be able to withstand many minutes, if not hours, of ranting about how hard it is to find someone of the opposite sex that will love you. About how everyone with a loving family or close, reliable friends is blessed. I am not in a mood to pretend to be happy. Forgive me if I refuse to respond to your private messages or what not, I would not be in a good mood anyways. I am also writing a whole number of posts for four days (8 posts) so I don’t have to respond to comments. It’s evil, I know, but I am not in the mood to play comment police.

To my faithful clients: You will receive everything you ordered. Plus, I will remember this when you want another project so you will very likely save money on your next project. However, when life continuously shits on you, it does not allow you to focus on your work. It’s only two days more in many cases and I apologise for the additional time required. I just need time to centre myself.

Looking back at 2006, here are my biggest successes and failures. No matter whether they are successes or failures, I have learned immensely from them and I am grateful for the wisdom that I was granted from these experiences.

Biggest Successes

1. Entry into Canada - On August 31st, 2006, I have successfully achieved my dream of gaining more permanent status in this country as a student, rather than on a TRV. Granted, it expires on July 31st, 2007, but at least I have the most valuable thing in this world that will help my immigration. I have time.
2. Obtainment of employment - I have successfully obtained employment at a non-profit organization. This makes obtaining a work permit and permanent residence much easier, due to the lack of a labour market opinion. A labour market opinion is the last thing I want due to the time it takes to acquire one and my possible ineligibility. Fortunately, the Province has a great nomination programme.
3. Moved away from my family - I have moved so far away from my biological family. In fact, this makes me exceedingly happy, considering my family is full of assholes and I could not stand being near them anymore.

Biggest Failures

1. Alberta Bible College - I am just going to write off the entire experience as a failure. Too many assholes, both in the student body and faculty. I am happy to be out of there but I am sad that they screwed me out of $400 for the chore requirement.
2. My trust fund is completely depleted - To make it THIS far, I had to deplete the trust fund that my grandmother left me when she died. This was not the greatest option but I do not regret it, seeing as I could not have gotten this far without depleting it. Plus, I can always go to U of C when I get my immigration details all sorted out for permanent residence.
3. Moved the blog around - I have moved around the blog way too much, breaking many permalinks and ruining my great page rank.
4. I got wrongly canned at Valero - Okay, this bolstered my reasoning why I should immigrate to Canada, because oil companies have too much power. So much even to violate the laws that regulate labour.

I hate the idea that people make resolutions that they have no intention of keeping only when the earth’s odometre rolls over. It seems that it is enough to make people believe that they have a new lease on life. Personally, I believe the route of change should happen throughout the new year, especially when one realizes it is needed the most. However, I have reviewed what I want out of life and this is what I have come up with:

1. Gain a bit more notoriety on the web/in my new home - I would like to be as big as Bryan Veloso, Mr. Fab or Shaun Inman. My weblog has been getting a bit more activity since I have been writing more often and using traffic services like BlogMad, but that is not enough. I need to do more to get my name out there. I would also like to be recognized in Calgary for my blog so I am also going to write replying to more local news.
2. Finish up Blackthorne - Blackthorne (for the uninitiated) is a themeset that I have been working on for the past month. I am confident that I can get it done and coded before February 14th, especially since I cannot afford the bus pass for this month so my mobility is going to be dramatically hindered. Doesn’t mean that I can’t go to crowfoot and cash in my bottles to buy bus fare to get to the college to return some books. I should probably do that on Wednesday though, it will save time and money in the long run.
3. Get into a serious relationship - I would like to get into a serious relationship. Need I say more?
4. Fully convert to Buddhism - I would like to convert to Buddhism and seek a path of reason and truth. Right now, I could still be considered a Christian that just doesn’t go to church. I would like to be so much more than that and I would love to convert to Buddhism so I can clean my mind of my past practises and strive toward a brighter future.
5. Get my work permit - Nicholi, if you are reading this, please submit your company to Alberta Registries. Now.

Those are my five new years resolutions. This is what is truly important to me right now and I would personally like to thank you for reading through my sappy drivel but hey, it was enough to spice up my life.